dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
