As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
