Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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