You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
