Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
