I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
