I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
