You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
