the condom got lost in my hair
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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