Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
