What a fucking waste of an outfit
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
