mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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