Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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