Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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