remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
