her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't deserve a penis
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
