Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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