He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
