I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize