there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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