I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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