oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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