So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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