the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
