I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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