I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
