I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
