pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
