Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
