So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
