Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had to cum in my sink.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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