if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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