Who did Billy Mays play for?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
