I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
