The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
