I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
