Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
