i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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