I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
