Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
