Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
