i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
