I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
