I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
