Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
