spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
