I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
