Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
