Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
