I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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