When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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