the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
