My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
