The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
