clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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