We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
