The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
