You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is Oprah even human
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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