I cannot find my penis.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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