After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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