Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
