Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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