Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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