You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
