I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
