you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
