that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
