wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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