I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
