Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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