people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
