all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
