I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
