Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
