I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
