She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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