Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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