Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My vagina is officially offended.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
