Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
